Since the New Year came around, I had implemented various physical and mental changes into my life in an effort to be less anxious, energetically stable and- in general- to have firmer boundaries over the types of energy I take in and give out (this also includes distancing myself from people I perceive to be toxic to me). I dislike the term ‘resolution’ because one does not resolve (the word of which has a cloud of resignation about it) as much as intend (quick, sure-fire think-actions) to make changes. It is a choice and decision, not something that you feel you should do. It’s a bit of a coincidence that these changes I’ve been making coincided with the new year, so I thought I’d call it “My New Year Resolutions”; a funny moniker, if you will.
To start off, a reading that my husband did last year about my health. I had spoken about how the cards had pinpointed my food issues– mysterious binges, bad bowels, hormonal imbalances and rashes- originated from past anxieties (9 of swords), and I needed to ‘force-feed’ my primal self (Strength) and add structure and routine to fix this issue (The Emperor). Yesterday, my husband did another reading before going to work and I got the exact same cards but in reverse. I was initially very bemused and asked him if he had forgotten to reverse the cards while shuffling, but he said that they fell out naturally that way (he reads them before work and leaves them for me to find).
As you can see, I got reverse Emperor, 9 of swords and Wheel of Fortune. The reversed 9 of Swords in the future position suggests that I will get over my mental anxiety issues in the coming year, and the reversed Emperor (reversals merely mean the cards have a lessened effect) coupled with Queen of Cups suggests that I can now be a little lenient with the structures/routines I’ve imposed to keep myself in check and let emotions rein sometimes, too. To put this into context, to practice more intuitive eating, to sometimes let myself be swayed by intense emotions and cry, and to perhaps take risks with my emotional states. Since Queen of Cups is surrounded by reversed Emperor and 9 of swords, here, it suggests that lenient structure will keep emotions in check. Overall, this spread suggests a reversal of the past and a push for better, healthier patterns while also acknowledging the past challenges I have had to deal with.
The reversed Wheel of Fortune card, here, also is a nod to a previous reading when I had asked about whether I’d be working in Singapore in the year of 2016 (I had gotten Wheel of Fortune then, which was to say a no). So, I have my hopes for that, too!
In regards to the changes I have made…
Nowadays, I try to keep a loose food diary, nothing strict, but I try to make sure I eat enough on a daily basis. I realized that when I am in an anxious state, my mind exaggerates the amount I eat, so I think I’ve eaten more than I actually have. A friend of mine calls this “reverse food dysmorphia”, and I thought that was a hilarious way of looking at it. As a result of unconsciously under-eating, however, it triggered my body’s famine impulse because it’s rather sensitive to any kind of calorie deficit. Hence, the binges. I haven’t ‘binged’ since the weeks I’ve started to write down my intake, although we’ll still have to see what happens when I’m nearer my period. The goal, here, isn’t really to control my intake, but just make sure I eat a minimum of XXXX amount. If I go over it, that’s fine. But I can’t go below that certain amount I know I feel best at.
In regards to food prep and food routines, I’m trying to at least have a proper breakfast and dinner, and not to be too caught up with eating times. I find that if I eat a filling breakfast, my energies are more stable for the day: this is not some silly health myth as I thought! Having protein in my breakfast and not just sugar and sweet things also makes a major difference. I realize I’m pretty high-energy in general, so this kind of eating supports me better. Between breakfast and dinner and after dinner, I am free to snack on whatever I want, if I feel the need. Although I find I do get nibbly at midnight (my so-called missed ‘lunch’), I don’t feel the urge to snack in the afternoon as often.
I’ve not really been so successful with the breathing exercise, but that’s just a detail. As long as I’m eating properly, I think I can be a bit lenient with that, haha.
Update: I check-calculated, and I am a week before my period. Usually 2 weeks before, I get uncontrollable hunger and mood swings, but this did not happen this time! I’ve also been noticing my body has been craving chocolate the past few days, which it never does (I don’t really like chocolate and I feel it’s mostly medicinal- good for when I feel dizzy and need energy). In light of being close to my period, this suddenly makes sense. A week ago, chocolate would not have tasted great to me. This also helps me to trust my body’s cravings and signals again. I can feel it giving off a sigh of relief as I feed it what it needs.
Anxiety / Mental Health
I’ll probably have to do another update on this- especially on a practice of ‘self-dialogue’ I’ve been trying to practice- because I haven’t had anxious episodes since the last time I blogged about it. I’ve had little episodes, for sure, but they don’t last so long and I feel that I have a way to deal with this by distancing myself from the situation and taking ‘time out’. ‘Time out’ gives me space and helps me to properly access the situation, deduce what baby steps are needed to rectify it, and then calmly take my time to fix it. I also have a little voice in my head which mocks me for excessive drama if I’m crying my head off over a little something spilled. That kind of helps to alleviate the anxiety and reveal situations for what they are rather than the inconceivable monsters my brain makes them out to be.
So that’s it for now! Did you have any ‘resolutions’ you planned out? How has it been with setting intentions for the New Year?